Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Excuses Explanation & Entertainment

Sorry, guys ..... our system got zapped in a storm last week while I was on retreat, and so we couldn't get out of our internal webworld over the weekend (which meant that, along with the blogworld absence, I also couldn't get on for the last chunk of that online course that sounded like a great idea at the time). And, while we got back online Monday, I had multiple people to be Monday, and then yesterday I did a teacher inservice/field trip to the US Holocaust Memorial Museum --- yes, the one in DC, yes we flew, yes it was a one-day trip (though slightly extended b/c of airplane issues). And today I got to return to being twelve more people, as well as finding out that my parents got a knock on their door at 3:00 this morning telling them they had five minutes to leave (Montgomery Evacuees Unable to Return Home Yet; Md. Evacuees Unable to Return) .... and yes, while I have a bazillion different things to post about, I need to try to get caught up on cleaning out my e-mail inbox so that I can get converted over to our new system.

Can't say that I didn't warn ya about my insanely non-vacationy June (this is that quadruple-booked week I mentioned --- except I miscounted!)......

In the meantime ..... a few bits o' fun from that overflowing spammail box below the fold.

Newspapers attract specific readers
The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country -- if they could find the time and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country...or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not
The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
None of these are read by the damn fool who is running the country into the ground.

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Vinnie

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Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

Welcome back! Glad you're okay. I was checking the newspapers, looking for news of waylaid nuns.

6/28/2006 10:34 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

As long as you are ok, that's what matters most.

6/29/2006 1:51 PM  

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