Wednesday, January 25, 2006

At a loss .....

.... for words, if'n ya haven't noticed lately. Posts of substance (with the exception of those trying to lure my family out of lurking) have been rather lacking in this part of the Blogosphere. Seems to be a good bit of this going around, but still .... it's kinda disconcerting. There's nothin' there. Nada. Zilch. A formless void. A vast wasteland. Not even any stupid jokes, or odd articles. Actually, I could pull some of those (or the blog equivalent of quiz results), but even that doesn't enthuse me.

There's just nothing.

Extreme apathy.

Probably doesn't help that this has been the world's LONGEST week -- and that's a realization I came to midway through yesterday. And I didn't even have school Monday. Well, not exactly -- I chaperoned the sophomore field trip to a museum that isn't even remotely large enough to warrant an all-day field trip. By lunchtime I was realizing that I would have been better off staying at school and covering for the other teachers!

Then there was yesterday's observation which went .... I don't know, did I mention the apathy? Kinda bugged me because she didn't get to see me "in my element" for this official time (although they wander the school all the time), and I don't think there was much "Oh, good job" going on (but lots of stuff to fix, including some things that I do normally). But even that I kinda shrug off with an "Eh, whatever."

Then there's tomorrow where I get to be a Eucharistic minister for the school Mass. Except I've never done it before. Except there are lots of non-Catholic kids who come up for a blessing. Except that I can't even read the map to tell where in the gym I'm supposed to go.

Yeah, so .... apathy. Blah.

Drifting along.

Not even necessarily any reason why. I mean, I would say I'm feeling OK and things are good, except for this whole apathy/blah thing. But things have actually been OK these days. I mean, I'm assuming they are -- haven't really cared too much either way.

Heck, I haven't even felt like jumping on board any of the various new memes making the rounds.

Creativity is at a low point. Which is kinda stinky, cuz I'm all about creativity.

Usually.

Really. I've got commenters who can vouch for that. I make up words all the time, create new lyrics for pre-existing songs. Heck, I even enjoy making baby pterodactyl noises on occasion. And if you're wondering what a baby pterodactyl sounds like? Well, you'll just have to .... find one and ask it, of course!

(And, as an aside .... I just did a spell-check to see if I spelled pterodactyl correctly and guess what I discovered? Blogger's spell check doesn't know the word "blog.")

But these days? Nuttin.

Sigh.

And what stinks is that I had been doing really well there for a while, lots of visitors and all that, and there's this paranoia that if I don't come up with something brillant and innovative really soon, I'll return to the world of the Insignificant Microbe and have my amphibianesque ego crushed by the Designer Intelligent enough to know that I've got nuttin to say.

Apathy's a big problem for me. Drifting is a huge problem for me. Just kinda drifting through life, without "hooking in" or connecting. A bleah kinda "no big deal" kinda thing. It's not bad, necessarily, but not exactly ideal, either. Just kinda "there."

And I can't chalk it up to Blogger's Block, either, because it's happening off-line as well.

And I can't chalk it up to weather because we've had some sunshine lately. And besides, that usually doesn't necessarily kick me into apathy mode.

It's just an odd space to be. In the pit, at least there's something. But here? Just ... kinda .... there.

So, since I have nothing to say, and no real feelings about having nothing to say ... I will cease saying so much nothing about this nothingness. I just hope it's enough to tide you all over until my pathy returns (if "a-" is a prefix that means "without," then isn't it pathy that I want?), so I don't devolve too far down the Ecosystem.

Sigh.

Man, I can't even come up with a decent closing tag-line. How sad is that??? Oh well. Guess I'll just hafta hit "Publish" and be done with it.

5 Comments:

Blogger BrightStar said...

Maybe it's just seasonal affective something or other? hang in there, my dear.

1/25/2006 10:39 PM  
Blogger Natty said...

Hey sweetie. Welcome to yet another section of "the pit."

Did you see the doc yet? Meds? Much like the oversleeping, the apathy is another sign that you need to do something different.

Been there, done that. Will probably do it again someday too. Joy.

1/26/2006 9:43 AM  
Blogger Susan Rose, CSJP said...

No need for you to perform or come up with stellar posts.

Just know that you are loved across the blogosphere!

1/26/2006 12:57 PM  
Blogger Hermeneuticland said...

Time to go to therapy, I think. Don't worry, you are not alone. Been dealing with similar stuff myself... (hugs)

1/26/2006 1:16 PM  
Blogger see-through faith said...

apathy is horrible. Been there, done that and by the grace am out of it now. My love and my prayers Steph. You are loved -even on bad days - let go of the performing and embrace the being who you are - a wonderful child of God.

And yeah, seek help, counselling and encouragement will help you - but allow Gods grace to enfold you too.

1/29/2006 8:55 AM  

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